I grew up in water, in California we had a pool across the street where we played, we swam in the ocean and every lake, river or stream we could find. I was on swim team at age six, swam in high school, dove in high school. Spent five years as a lifeguard and swim instructor.... I love water. I love it so much that I endured the embarrassment of my giganto body to go swimming with my children for swim lessons and every camping trip we've ever gone on.
Since Dday I have discovered that there is NOTHING that relaxes me more, that feeds my soul better than the water. I'll sit in the shower, take a bath, float around in a lake or pool and I can suddenly breathe again... I can be okay. Pre-meds 4 out of 5 fantasies of death revolved around sinking slowly into the water. Scary. But it shows how much water means to me. Now just laying in bed and thinking about floating out in the sunshine is enough to help me feel better.
In all of this garbage and drama it is KEY to find out what can help ease your pain. For some it may be hiking, sunbathing, studying the gospel, reading a book, gardening, camping, stargazing, scrap-booking... It doesn't matter what it is. It just matters that you figure it out. Find that thing that can give you some relief from the agony of betrayal. Keeping trying until you figure it out, search your memories, listen to your body. If it makes life even a little more bearable it is worth the time you invest in it. YOU are worth investing in.